April 1
Have an invariable tendency to introduce yourself and others in the voice and style of a professional wrestling announcer (e.g. ‘from parts unknown, at 155 pounds…’)
have your legal name changed to ‘pumpy’

Announcer voice FTW

April 2
Urinate crazy string
lactate grits?

Another gross thing.. no comment

April 3/4
Have eyelashes that grow at the rate or one inch per minute
have hot fudge perpetually dripping from your nostrils?


April 5
Have your cell phone ring function set on a tale of a tragic irish upbringing
awful ronald reagan impression?

Tale of Tragic Irish Upbringing, I guess.

April 6
Speak in the style, accen, and intensity of Hitler whenever talking to members of the opposite sex
Have to take all your meals in a hockey net?

Hockey net. Hitler is not fun.

April 7
Have crayolas for teeth
snails for ears?

Crayolas. Anything that can help with scrapbooking is good 😉

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