April 8
Have an innie belly button that extends all the way through your body
or
Six outie belly buttons scattered across your abdomen?
Um, weird. 1 innie, I guess
April 9
Be able to hear only words that start with a letter in the first half of the alphabet
or
have webbed arms and legs
I’m going with webbed arms and legs because it would be damn near impossible to function if I only heard words that started with letters in the beginning of the alphabet.
April 10/11
Be bludgeoned to death with a slab of beef
or
Be trapped in a submarine until it slowly fills up with elvis impersonators
Submarine.
April 12
Be the guy on an assembly line who stamps the price tag on a bag of pretzels
or
Richard Simmons’ personal assistant?
As much fun as richard simmons seems like he is – I think Id get annoyed by his peppiness in about 5 minutes. So pretzel stamping it is!
April 13
Be a member of an amish collective farm
or
A professional wrestler called “The Tailor” whose gimmicks is to alter wrestlers’ trunks after a pin-fall?
Amish = no internet, right? So definitely wrestler!
April 14
Be compelled to enter every room by jumping into the doorway with an imaginary pistol drawn like the star of a ’70s cop show
or
Invariably make your angry face instead of smiling when being photographed?
LOL I already make angry faces when being photographed.. and I love all things 70s – so jumping in a doorway with an imaginary pistol drawn would be awesome.