April 8
Have an innie belly button that extends all the way through your body
Six outie belly buttons scattered across your abdomen?

Um, weird. 1 innie, I guess

April 9
Be able to hear only words that start with a letter in the first half of the alphabet
have webbed arms and legs

I’m going with webbed arms and legs because it would be damn near impossible to function if I only heard words that started with letters in the beginning of the alphabet.

April 10/11
Be bludgeoned to death with a slab of beef
Be trapped in a submarine until it slowly fills up with elvis impersonators


April 12
Be the guy on an assembly line who stamps the price tag on a bag of pretzels
Richard Simmons’ personal assistant?

As much fun as richard simmons seems like he is – I think Id get annoyed by his peppiness in about 5 minutes. So pretzel stamping it is!

April 13
Be a member of an amish collective farm
A professional wrestler called “The Tailor” whose gimmicks is to alter wrestlers’ trunks after a pin-fall?

Amish = no internet, right?  So definitely wrestler!

April 14
Be compelled to enter every room by jumping into the doorway with an imaginary pistol drawn like the star of a ’70s cop show
Invariably make your angry face instead of smiling when being photographed?

LOL I already make angry faces when being photographed.. and I love all things 70s – so jumping in a doorway with an imaginary pistol drawn would be awesome.

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