March 25
Have bamboo for hair
corkscrews for nipples

Bamboo for hair. It might be more manageable that way and if not I’ll be really popular with Pandas…

March 26
Always have to wear NFL Referee garb
a wizards robe and hat.

Wizards. Duh.

March 27/28
Live in a world where massive afros were mandatory for members of congres
where it was legal, in face encouraged, to crucify mimes.

While mimes are creepy, I don’t want to kill them and afros are pretty harmless…

March 29
Exhibit a defensive stance whenever standing around
Automatically revert to jazz hands whenever your hands are not in use?


March 30
Never have had your umbilical cord disconnected from your mother
have had it disconnected but then reconnected to queen elizabeth?

As fun as my mom is, I think being attached to queen elizabeth might be a bit more interesting…

March 31
Have a sinus infection and any time you sneeze while in the presence of others, they change sex
have the inability to distinguish between babies and english muffins?

LMAO. I’ll go with sneezing. That could be fun at work.

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