Have a crazy fun-house-styled rear-view mirror
Strobe light headlights?
Strobe light headlights would drive me more crazy than a fun house mirror – so I am going with rear-view mirror!
Have mood Irises (change color according to your mood)
make the sound of a motorcycle engine revving when laughing?
Mood irises. Otherwise I’d become more obnoxious than I already am.
Drink a big gulp of sweat wrung out from NBA players undergarments
A bowl of ice cold saliva tapped with floss residue collected over ten years from british homeless men’s teeth?
Honestly I don’t think I can think about this one without getting sick so I am not going to answer.
Appear as Ice-T in the Mirror
Have a bizarre neurological condition in which anytime you enter a room, darth vader’s theme sounds?
Definitely Darth Vader’s theme. That would be pretty cool, and appropriate, I think.
Always have to wear ultra-ultra low-riding jeals (waistline is below the genitals)
ulta-high riding jeans (waistline above the nipples)
Neither of these seem very comfortable at all – but I will go with ultra-high. I could make them look like overalls.
Have a rare disorder that allows you to dispose of bodily waste only in pool table pockets
that forces you to have to urinate in mailboxes?
Ok this one is just ridiculous, again, I’m not answering!