May 13
Be a matador with a club foot
or
A librarian with a problem flatulence?

Librarian

May 14
Have anti-gravity hair
or
All your dreams written and directed by those guys who make kung fu movies?

Kung Fu Dreams

May 15/16
Have 20 inch nostril hair
or
20 inch long toenails

nostril hair, but this is just a lesser of two evils kind of thing!

May 17
Fight three possessed lawnmowers
or
the cast of “dawsons creek”

dawsons creek! then i could meet joshua jackson. love him

May 18
Have to sport a key-chain nipple ring
or
Have a wardrobe that consists entirely of outfits worn by the scooby doo characters?

Scooby Doo closet! Their clothes aren’t that bad…

May 19
Have skin that starts to melt when exposed to temperatures above 45 degrees
or
have your hands constantly moving as if playing speed chess

constantly moving hands, I guess…